The Treasure of Sepia Madre
by animationiscool
Summary: After hearing rumours about a gold mine, Rocky and Bullwinkle go on a return trip to Mexico. They have been in Mexico before, but this time, unknowingly to our heroes, Boris and Natasha are interested in the gold as well.
1. The Treasure of Sepia Madre

**Disclaimer: The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**The Treasure of Sepia Madre or Viva la Moose and Squirrel!**

Narrator: In Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, our heroes, Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose, are having a day off. Or so it seems. Little do they know that a new adventure is about to unfold.

Bullwinkle is asleep on the couch in their living room. Rocky excitedly hurries in and wakes him up.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, wake up! You've gotta hear this!

Bullwinkle: Zzzzzzz... Huh_?_!

Rocky: You won't believe what I just heard on the radio.

Bullwinkle: Static?

Rocky: No.

Bullwinkle: Creepy sounds?

Rocky: Nope.

Bullwinkle: You discovered a great new song on the charts.

Rocky: Of course not. You remember the town of Mucho Loma, Mexico, right?

Bullwinkle: The place where we helped get rid of the scary guy with dangerous pots and pans?

Rocky: That's right.

Bullwinkle: And the dreaded cork gun?

Rocky: You do remember. Well, apparently a mountain range right next to them, called Sepia Madre, has a huge hidden treasure trove full of gold!

Bullwinkle: Yeah, sure. We'll check it out later, all right? I'm kinda having a siesta right now.

Rocky: But it's true! We'll have a fun adventure, and if we find the gold, we can use it to help people out in Mucho Loma and Frostbite Falls.

Bullwinkle: Sounds great and all, but if any of our stories involve treasure, usually Boris and Natasha are after it. As you know, they'll try to kill us.

Rocky: Don't be silly, Bullwinkle. They weren't even in the Mucho Loma episodes. I doubt the news will spread all the way to Pottsylvania.

* * *

><p>Narrator: Surprisingly, the dim witted moose is correct. The news has indeed spread all the way to Pottsylvania. Now Boris and Natasha-<p>

Fearless Leader: And their Fearless Leader.

Narrator: -the terrible trio are going to embark on a trip to Mexico.

Fearless Leader: When we find the treasure of Sepia Madre, I will be the richest man in the world!

Boris Badenov: Uh, boss, don't you mean we will be the richest people in the world? After all, we're going with you. I think we should share it.

Fearless Leader: _Sharing_?_!_ Bah!

Natasha Fatale: Fearless Leader never shares anything. He is the meanest snake in the grass there is. Right, dollink?

Fearless Leader: That's right, Fatale. Badenov, I thought you knew me better than that.

Boris: Sorry about that, herr Fearless Leader. I have no idea what I was thinking.

Fearless Leader: You actually think?

* * *

><p>Narrator: And so the trio of creeps crawl off to Sepia Madre like a bunch of venomous rattlesnakes. They travel by using a recently acquired Pottsylvanian Submarine entitled the Navy Blue.<p>

Boris: "Acquired" in that we swiped it from Captain Peachfuzz.

Narrator: Of course.

A familiar sea captain pokes his head out of the submarine hatch.

Captain Peter "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz: You rang?

Narrator: Ah, yes. It's Captain Peachfuzz, the well renowned chicken of the sea.

Peachfuzz: Thanks for the compliment, Mr. Narrator! I was in my sub when someone moved it to Pottsylvania.

Fearless Leader: You are very mistaken, Mr. Peachfuzz. This Navy Blue submarine officially belongs to the governor of Pottsylvania.

Captain Peachfuzz: It does?

Fearless Leader: Jawohl.

Peachfuzz: I have no idea what that means, or who the governor of Pottsylvania is, but okay.

Fearless Leader: It means yes, you nitwit! Badenov, Fatale, get rid of this numbskull at once! Throw him in the Pottsylvanian dungeon!

Boris and Natasha: Yes, governor!

Peachfuzz: Oh, so _you're_ the governor of this place. All right, can you please give me back my sub-

Boris and Natasha drag him off to the dungeon.

Fearless Leader: Sorry, but that's against regulations.

Peachfuzz: Okay, bye!

The go to the dungeon with intentions of locking up the clueless captured captain.

Fearless Leader: Heheh, what a sucker.

* * *

><p>Narrator: The Navy Blue submarine eventually leaves from the Pottsylvanian waterfront. Without Captain Peachfuzz.<p>

Boris: Too bad for him. He could have been a contender for being rich! Haha, get it, boss?

Fearless Leader: Why didn't I leave you and Natasha in the dungeon?

Natasha: Because you love us so much?

Boris: Let's talk loudly and incessantly about how great our Fearless Leader is!

Natasha: What a wonderful idea, dollink!

Fearless Leader goes back to controlling the submarine, but he is getting increasingly frustrated.

Fearless Leader: I could have been a contender for some peace and quiet...

* * *

><p>Narrator: Well, with all this talk of treasure, it can be really hard to keep quiet. Coincidentally, our heroes have decided to take a not very quiet mode of transportation to Mexico.<p>

Rocky: But we're using the Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam. The boat isn't noisy at all-

Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky! I've got a little somethin' that will get us to Sienna Mattress or whatever it's called in no time!

He is attaching an extremely loud motor to the back of the boat.

Rocky: Never mind...

Narrator: As they sail to their destination, Rocky soon finds out that a noisy motor isn't all he has to deal with for the duration of their trip.

Bullwinkle: Check out all the traffic around here.

Narrator: The "traffic" around our heroes' small boat is actually a huge fleet of submarines. A submarine admiral, adorning a uniform similar to the one that Captain Peachfuzz usually wears, opens the top of his submarine hatch to ask our heroes for professional assistance.

Submarine Admiral: Pardon me, Mr. Squirrel and Mr. Moose, but have you by any chance seen a submarine around here?

Bullwinkle: Yeah. Yours.

Submarine Admiral: Okay, thank you for the help.

He closes the hatch, and inadvertently rams into a submarine right next to his.

Rocky: Why do I get the feeling that they're from Captain Peachfuzz's fleet?

* * *

><p>Narrator: Since the villains are in possession of an advanced submarine, they are the first group to reach Mexico.<p>

Fearless Leader: We're finally here! Your seemingly endless chattering will cease.

Natasha: Now all we need is a brochure.

Boris: I've got the brochure on Sepia Madre. Including a map. Oh, and I also brought a compass!

Natasha: How smart of you, Boris, dollink!

Fearless Leader: Wha? Boris actually did something... smart?

Boris: *thinking* If I trick them into thinking I really did bring the stuff over for the trip, instead of explosives, they'll do anything I want 'em to!

Boris: Uh, yeah. I guess.

He looks through his "useful" bag of supplies.

Boris: One of my bombs appears to be missink.

* * *

><p>Narrator: Boris won't be able to get his bomb back because it sank to the bottom of the ocean. Coincidentally, our heroes appear to have reached the area where Boris dropped it.<p>

Bullwinkle: You know, Rocky, so far we've had smooth sailing.

Rocky: I think that's great.

Bullwinkle: Yeah, but that almost never happens.

Rocky: Now that you mention it, this is kinda suspicious...

Bullwinkle: Exactly! I'll bet that a dangerous cliffhanger is bound to happen and blow us out of the water-

*BOOM*

Bullwinkle falls out of the boat.

*splash*

Bullwinkle: My and my big snout.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! Moose overboard!

Narrator: Will Rocky be able to rescue Bullwinkle from the deep waters? Will Boris get away with scamming Natasha and Fearless Leader into doing all the work for him? Stay tuned for "Two Mules for Brother Boris" or "Death Rides a Moose".


	2. Two Mules for Brother Boris

**Disclaimer: The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**Two Mules for Brother Boris or Death Rides a Moose  
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Narrator: It seems that our heroes are in a perilous situation in almost record time. At the end of the _very first segment_, Bullwinkle fell out of their boat because of a bomb, which was actually dropped by Boris Badenov.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke! I've got to save him!

Narrator: Rocky dives into the depths and rescues his friend by bringing him back to the boat.

Bullwinkle: Thanks, Rocky! That was a really surprising cliffhanger. Do you know how I'd describe it?

Rocky: What?

Bullwinkle: Sink or swim.

Narrator: After a while, Rocky and Bullwinkle reach the shores of Mexico.

* * *

><p>Narrator: Meanwhile, also in Mexico, Boris Badenov has conned his fellow comrades, Natasha and Fearless Leader, into following all of his commands.<p>

Boris: Fearless Leader, can I have your peak hat with the really neat little skull and crossbones on it?

Fearless Leader: Nein.

Boris: I can have nine of those hats?

Fearless Leader: It means no, stupid!

Boris: Aww, darn...

Narrator: Well, _most_ of his commands.

* * *

><p>Narrator: It's quite obvious that there's already tension regarding ownership of the lost treasure. Even though they're not even close to finding said treasure yet, Boris's sudden power trip is because he claims to have a map leading to Sepia Madre.<p>

Fearless Leader: He's really making me wonder if this trip is necessary.

Natasha: But dollink, Boris has the map to the gold.

Boris: Get back to work, slackers!

Narrator: Boris is really savouring the moment and taking advantage of this, as he is having them lug around all of the supplies across the Mexican desert landscape.

Boris: It's so nice of you two to be carrying _all_ of our stuff.

Fearless Leader: Don't rub it in, Badenov.

Natasha: Boris, are you sure you really brought everything we need for the trip? These bags seem to be suspiciously filled with explosives...

Boris: Of course. Would I ever lie to my fellow felonious comrades?

Fearless Leader: Jawohl.

Natasha: Da.

Natasha and Fearless Leader: Basically, yes.

Boris: Hahahaha! You guys must know me very well.

Fearless Leader: I knew you were lying through your abnormally large teeth! I'll kill you for this charade!

Boris: Wait! Boss, I can explain!

Fearless Leader: Really now? Explain _this_.

He opens all of the bags to prove that Boris only brought explosives for the trip.

Boris: Okay, I'll admit it. I have a little bit of an obsession with explosives.

Natasha: A little bit?

Boris: ...Maybe a huge obsession. But I'll make up for it later by seeing a head shrink.

Fearless Leader: Oh, you'll be seeing a head shrink all right. Your head will shrink when I blow it off.

Boris: Oh, no! I'm doomed...

Narrator: He's just exaggerating.

Boris: You don't know my boss that much. With him it's hard to tell.

Narrator: What fate happens to await for Boris Badenov? Will he get shot in a Western shootout? And which exploration group will find the gold first? Stay tuned for "The Good, the Badenov, and the Ugly" or "Once Upon a Crime in the West".


	3. Once Upon a Crime in the West

**Disclaimer: The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**The Good, the Badenov, and the Ugly or Once Upon a Crime in the West  
><strong>

Narrator: Boris might end up being buzzard bait. He previously conned his fellow evil doers into following his orders, but this plan backfired on him.

Boris: And how.

Fearless Leader: The Narrator is right, Boris. When I'm done with you numbskull, you will be buzzard bait.

He points a gun at Boris.

Boris: Me and my big mouth...

Narrator: Boris's plan was busted when he admitted that he didn't have a map that leads to the legendary Sepia Madre treasure trove.

Fearless Leader: Forcing Natasha and I to work for you was despicable, even for you, Badenov.

Boris: Please don't keel me, boss!

Natasha: Boris, you can be such a ham.

Boris: I'll do anything! I'll even carry your stuff around.

Fearless Leader: Carry our schtuff around, eh?

Boris: Da, er, yes.

He puts the gun away in one of his coat pockets.

Fearless Leader: All right. That sounds like good enough revenge.

Boris: So you won't keel me?

Fearless Leader: Nein.

Boris: Uh, boss, sir, you can't keel me nine times. I'm not a cat.

Fearless Leader: ...I'd better watch it if I were you, though. I could easily change my mind.

Boris: Heheh, sorry.

* * *

><p>Narrator: Meanwhile, our heroes are also travelling to Sepia Madre. Um, fellows, it would be kind of hard to walk through this desert, don't you think?<p>

Rocky: We know that.

Bullwinkle: So we're gonna try hitchhiking to get over there. I even made a sign.

Rocky reads the hitchhiking sign.

Rocky: "Sepia Madre or Dust"... wait, Bullwinkle, shouldn't it be Sepia Madre or Bust?

Bullwinkle: Yeah, but this place is a dust bowl.

* * *

><p>Narrator: I'll bet that the villains are going to try out hitchhiking, too.<p>

Natasha: Maybe later, Narrator dollink. We are getting our exercise.

Fearless Leader: Especially a certain someone who "volunteered" to carry our supplies. Right, Badenov?

Boris: Yes, boss...

Fearless Leader: Now move it, you pack mule!

Narrator: It seems like they are so caught up by a combination of their ecstasy of gold and revenge that they won't even bother with shortcuts. Who will go for the gold first? Stay tuned next time for "My Name is Somebody" or "A Town Called Mucho Loma".


	4. A Town Called Mucho Loma

**Disclaimer: The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters are owned by Jay Ward Productions.**

**My Name is Somebody or A Town Called Mucho Loma  
><strong>

Narrator: Our heroes are trying to reach the rumoured treasure trove of Sepia Madre by hitchhiking across the desert.

Bullwinkle: Hello? Anybody here in this place? Going my way?

Rocky: This trail must be deserted. Like a ghost town.

Bullwinkle: Ghosts live here_?_! Oh, no! We've gotta hide, Rocky!

The frightened moose jumps up into Rocky's arms.

Bullwinkle: Hide me!

Rocky: Should I say zoinks right now?

* * *

><p>Narrator: Meanwhile, Fearless Leader is persistent about his revenge on Boris Badenov.<p>

Fearless Leader: Move it, schweinhund! Mach schnell!

Boris: Do I really have to plod around with all of our stuff, boss?

Fearless Leader: Yes. All of our schtuff. You asked for it, Badenov.

Boris: I really think we should have at least brought a leetle red wagon.

Natasha: But we're not carrying newspapers.

Boris: Shut up your-

Fearless Leader: Shut up _both_ your mouths!

* * *

><p>Narrator: The trio of terror seems to be moving very quickly. Our hitchhiking pals are still trying to hitch a ride.<p>

Bullwinkle: A wagon train is bound to pick us up any second now.

(Several hours later at night)

Bullwinkle: Yep... any second now...

Rocky: Are you sure about this, Bullwinkle?

Bullwinkle: Sure I'm sure!

Narrator: Bullwinkle looks around for someone to ask for directions. Really clever of him, I know.

Bullwinkle: Let's ask that nice fellow over there.

Rocky: That's a cow skull. There must not be any food or water for miles...

Bullwinkle: Well, it's not a moose skull, so we should be fine. Do you know the way to Mucho Loma?

Cow Skull: Go down the road a few miles and turn left.

Bullwinkle: Why, thank you.

Cow Skull: S'alright.

Narrator: Our heroes run away in fear down the road. Doesn't that make you two seem a bit scared and yellow bellied at the moment?

Bullwinkle stops momentarily, gets out a can of yellow paint, and paints himself yellow.

Bullwinkle: It sure does, Mr. Narrator.

Rocky: Gosh, I've heard of Rawhide, but this is ridiculous.

Bullwinkle: You mean no hide.

Narrator: Will the intrepid travellers brave these deserted sands? Or will the grumpy general and his cronies get to Sepia Madre before our compadres? Be sure to stay tuned for our next episode, "Branded and Stranded " or "Wagon Strain ".


	5. Wagon Strain

******Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.****  
><strong>

**Branded and Stranded or Wagon Strain**

Narrator: After attempting to get to the town of Mucho Loma by hitchhiking, our heroes have not had so much luck with that. They're still wandering aimlessly down an empty road.

Bullwinkle: Do you think we'll find any roadside attractions here, Rocky?

Rocky: I doubt it.

Bullwinkle: Aw, darn... well, I'm not too worried.

Rocky: Because we should focus on finding the buried treasure of Sepia Madre?

Bullwinkle: No, because I've forgot to bring my camera!

Narrator: While I doubt Bullwinkle is a skilled photographer-

Rocky: He always forgets to remove the lens cap.

Narrator: -instead he focuses on the task at hand.

Bullwinkle: Right. Which is asking those guys over there for directions.

Narrator: He points out three people in the distance who suspiciously happen to resemble Boris, Natasha, and Fearless Leader.

Bullwinkle: I'm sure they're legit and won't try to kill us at all.

Narrator: He never learns...

The villains spot Rocky and Bullwinkle from a distance.

Natasha: Look, dollinks, it is Moose and Squirrel!

Fearless Leader: Oh, great. As if you dummkopfs weren't enough to make this trip miserable...

Boris: I have a great idea. Let's keel Moose and Squirrel!

Natasha: You are a genius, dollink!

Fearless Leader: Can't you get your mind off Moose and Squirrel for one second, Badenov? Ze treasure is much more important because it will make us rich! Besides, they are too stupid to know about our ambitions.

Bullwinkle eagerly waves at them.

Bullwinkle: Hello there, fellow adventurers! Can you tell us where to find the Treasure of Sienna Madre?

Rocky: Sepia.

Bullwinkle: Right. I knew that.

Fearless Leader: ...Mein gott! We must get rid of ze competition.

Boris: Competition? But Moose is dumb.

Fearless Leader: Yes, but you are even dumber. Unless if you prove that you're smarter by killing them.

Boris: I can do that. After all, I am much smarter than Moose.

Fearless Leader: I doubt it...

* * *

><p>Narrator: While still at a lengthy distance from our heroes, Boris disguises himself as a cowboy, complete with spurred boots and an overtly large cowboy hat.<p>

Boris: Howdy, Moose and Squirrel! My name is Maverick Morris, and I can help ya get yourselves killed- uh, not lost!

Rocky: Didn't you look sort of like Boris Badenov a few minutes ago?

"Maverick Morris": You must have been out in the sun for too long, I reckon.

Bullwinkle: Gosh, he uses words I've heard in Westerns! He must be legit for sure.

"Maverick Morris": *snickers to himself* This is way too easy...

Rocky: Huh?

Maverick Morris: I'll guide y'all to the gold in them thar hills!

Bullwinkle: Lead the way, mister Morris!

He leads them to a cavern that is covered by wooden boards. There is also a danger sign.

Maverick Morris: The legendary gold is in this here abandoned mine.

Rocky: But Mister Morris, abandoned mineshafts are dangerous!

Maverick Morris: Are you yellow, ya little varmint?

Bullwinkle: I'm not a coward, Mister Expert Cowboy! Besides, I've used up all my yellow paint when we saw the haunted cow skull.

Maverick Morris: Haunted cow skull?

Rocky: It's a long story.

* * *

><p>Narrator: And so, to prove his bravery and stupidity to the random Wild West cowboy that he just met, Bullwinkle drags Rocky with him into the abandoned mine.<p>

Bullwinkle: Don't worry, Rocky. This place is safe. Besides, I'm a Mister Know it All when it comes to safety. Remember when I showed people how to stop, drop, and roll?

Rocky: Yeah. You set yourself on fire, and rolled off a cliff. Into another fire.

Bullwinkle: ...I was showing them what _not_ to do.

Rocky: If this place is so safe, why isn't Maverick Morris going in with us?

Bullwinkle: 'Cause he's the bravest adventurer in these here parts. Right, Mister Morris?

Outside, Boris is setting up large amounts of bombs, nitroglycerin, and TNT. He sets off the TNT first at a distance.

"Maverick Morris": Right, stupid Moose.

Bullwinkle: See? We have nothing to worry about.

*BOOM*

Rocky: What was that_?_!

Narrator: Oh, no! Our heroes have found out that the entrance to the mine has collapsed! Will they be able to escape, or will they be trapped indefinitely?

Bullwinkle: Hopefully the former.

Boris: Hopefully the latter.

Narrator: Be sure to stay tuned for our next episode, "The Trail of the Loathsome Mine" or "The Casket of Armadillo".


End file.
